Saturday Night


I’m sitting in my favorite watering hole writing this on my iPhone.  That can only mean that it is Saturday evening and I’m alone again.  I pulled my phone out to start writing because I’m surrounded by happy (and not so happy) couples, couples that a year ago I wouldn’t have seen.  That would be because I was with my Lynn.  When I was with Lynn the world receded into the background; just so much noise.

To look at them, they have no idea what potential tragedies could befall them, as it did for Lynn and I.  At one table there two younger people; their voices energized and their gestures animated, jerky even.  They have so much to talk about and very little time to do so. 

Saturday evening is a time for connections, to share joy, to revel in their oneness.  At the next booth is a middle-age couple, sitting silent and stone-faced; nothing to say to each other and sometimes not even noticing the other is there.  What a shame; could it be that everything in their world has been said?  Perhaps it is just not worth the effort to form words; exchange views, or plan their tomorrow.  Will their tomorrow be the same dismal scream as their today was?  Are they thinking of others, or are they just in a walking coma?  Perhaps they are each thinking about what might have been both too lazy to go after their dreams.

Peanut break.

The next couple, this time at the bar, are “Cody’s” friends of mine.  I only see them here but they are Saturday regulars.  They sit nursing their drinks, even though it is ‘Happy Hour’, and devour peanuts. They will have dinner later while they continue to stare at the football game on the wall.  Again, saying very little to one another that is not related to the game, their evening (and life) pass before their eyes.

What I don’t see is a couple that looks like they are very much in love, and interact with one another.  I see no hand-holding; I see no deep staring into one another’s eyes.  I see no twinkling eyes devouring one another, breathing slightly faster as their souls merge.

The reason for these somewhat melancholy thoughts is that none of them know how good they have it! They could be holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, and TALK.  Share ideas and entertaining conversation, seduce one another with words – enjoy their time together.  That is something I no longer can do; the Love of my Life is gone!  Nothing can change that and I Morn her loss!

I have been trying to meet a few new folks with mixed results.  Those that I’m attracted to as something more than friends, are busy with their own lives – no room for anyone else. Busy – too busy for me. Those that I’m attracted to as friends only, are only lightly attracted to me.  I have to be patient; not my strong suit.

What I am offering is this: I will commit to, with a ‘special’ friend (and by mutual agreement), that I will NEVER compare that special friend to Lynn.  There will never be another Lynn; that’s cast in stone. 

What is also cast in stone that when I commit to another, it is a TOTAL commitment.  They will be my best friend in the world.  They will always be Number One.  That is because I am, and have always been number two. My definition of Love is that you love your partner more than you love yourself, or anything or anyone else. 

I don’t think that it is too much to ask, is it?

Ok, enough of that.  I’m receiving great feedback on the Views from Sandhausen cover!  I’ve essentially asked folks for what they don’t like, or would like to change.  While approval, support and positive feedback is wonderful, it doesn’t necessarily help Five Rainbows and I improve the product.  I have solid feedback on both the front and back, and I’ll offer that to Walt for his consideration.  I’m not ready to undo all of his work, but I want the best product possible.  It will be a good conversation.  Please offer feedback to me until about Noon tomorrow.

Until then, Happy Halloween to all and Happy Birthday Erik!  You are a joy!

Cliff

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